regretting

I have been recently nostalgic of my past. Something that started a few weeks ago when I found an old diary that I kept since I was very small, maybe 8 yrs old and continued using it until I was in my mid 20s.

I can not tell you how amazed I was of reading it. It did not feel all warm and fuzzy, I think I remembered myself very differently. the things I wrote about! I am so surprised of how much nonsense one can write. I thought back then that my thoughts were so important that they needed to be kept for generations to come! I cannot tell you right now how glad I am that blogs did not exist back then. The things I thought were important, the things and people I pursued as important, as moments that had to be remembered forever, oh what a waste of time.

I used to think that I needed to say what I had in my mind because then later I would regret it and how wrong I was. I did things I shouldn't! Nothing life changing, but almost. A few times I stood on the fence of something that could have changed the direction of my life forever, and the only thing I can say today is that thanks to God for surrounding me with good people that helped me so that that wouldn't happen.

I remember one of my teachers in high-school once told us that "youth is wasted on the young" in a "go prove them wrong" kind of way.  I see myself when I was young, and I see how foolish I was, when I thought I was being assertive, I was just being foolish.

And then it hit me like a truck, what will I think of this blog in 20 years? will I read it back and see all this as wasted time? will I see it as something worth remembering? Because that diary from 20 years ago has an appointment with a lighted match.

Comments

[Oliver]

NO!!!!!! Don't burn your past!!! You will regret that too!
Is good to learn from your past, and in another 20 years you'll read it and learn again from those thoughts.
I love you sister.

[Undaunted]

Lol, I think we all feel the same way when we look back to our youth. I look back and cringe!! And yes, there were big mistakes and some not so big but equally as embarrassing when I think of them now. I think it's good to be able to look back and laugh at our former selves, although I realise that's not always possible with some mistakes.

I think too many adults forget what it was like to be young. Remembering how important such foolish things were to me back then helps me to take youths seriously today, and not belittle their problems by saying things like "Wait 'til you're older, then you'll know what problems are" - which is something I heard adults say when I was younger. If you can learn something from your past then it was definitely not a waste of time recording it.

[robyn]

haha, I have the opposite reaction when I read back to my old diaries. Honestly, I think, "holy cow, I was so smart, what the heck has happened to me?" As Lisa Simpson would say "the dumbening has begun"
Don't tear up that old journal, just as Oliver said, you might read it again in another 20 years and learn entirely different things. AND what if this journal becomes a sensation, and years after you are gone people are scrambling to find any tidbits of information about your life growing up for the history books?

[robyn]

When I said - this journal might become a sensation - I meant this blog.
And I have to also agree with undaunted, I loved the idea that it could help you with your own children. And if you're not too embarrassed to show them parts, it's something I'm sure they would love to see. I remember pouring over everything that had belonged to my mom as a child when I was an adolescent myself, and it made me want to hold onto everything of my own, so that someday I would share it with my own children.

[kathyL]

Just focus on the fact that your diaries and blog are but a snap shot in time. They are relevant because at that moment, that is how you felt. I think your writings will be timeless.

k

[Kristin]

I destroyed all of my journals from when I was young. In fact I've destroyed all of my journals. My blog is now my record. I write knowing others will read it. I did not write my journals for others to read and would be horrified if they would have been read. They went up in smoke years ago. I do not regret burning them to a crisp.

You know yourself, you know how you may feel in the next 20 with or without those journals. THink about it, then torch them or save them :)